First of all, I really don't know what to feel. I don't know how to write this. I'm happy but also disappointed at the same time. I never want to come across being ungrateful because, Allahu, I am so grateful. But it's kind of hard to digest that you didn't get the outcome that you wanted. I'm still learning to redha with the result that I got.
It's been a hard week for me to not feel anxious and nervous about yesterday. I know we all were. I set up a target of getting all As because I really felt I did well during the whole month of stressing out looking at books almost everyday. Other than nervous, I did feel excited about the big day.
After a crucial 3 months, 3rd March arrived. I slept well even though I woke up too early because of sudden butterflies. I arrived at school by 10. That was the first time that I saw my friends after I finished my SPM last year lmao. You can see that I was barely going out.
Then almost 10.30, I saw my teacher holding the slips and my friend told me that only 6 students got straight As. My heart dropped because we all knew who the fortunate students were. I was extremely sad. After my principal's speech, they announced the names starting from 6As students. Guess what? My name was called.
I was extremely sad and my heart broke into pieces. I walked up the stage with a sad face not even smiling and went down the stage to hug my friend who was crying her eyes out. I sobbed uncontrollably because I did not expect this at all. I checked my slip and count the As. It was not 6 which I was happy about. I got 7As with 2Bs. 4A 3A- 2B+ to be exact.
Apa ni cikgu? Most of my friends who got on stage for being called as the 6As actually got 7As. I cried when I went to my parents because I felt like I've let them down. I'm also sad that my Bs are Physics and Chemistry which are the two important subjects for me to pursue my dream career. I still cannot move on from the fact that my Physics is B+ because I really really thought I did well. I did check my paper 1 and I got 40+ questions right out of 50 questions. I really can answer most of the questions on Paper 2, and Paper 3 was a piece of cake for me so I couldn't understand why I didn't get at least A-.
I'm devastated and am now thinking of doing a re-check on the subject. I'm still not sure though because it was just a thought. I didn't want to sound ungrateful, I really don't. I'm just afraid if I have to pursue something that I don't have passion about in the future. I really wanna be a chemical engineer and I was planning to take foundation in chemical engineering but now it seems almost impossible to do that when my Physics is not A.
Nevertheless, I'm trying to learn to be happy with my result. Alhamdulillah and may my future be bright.