May 8, 2016

Let's Rant

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Wow it's been a month and I don't know if any of you still remember this blog. I've been having a writer block so yeah. Anyways, can I just say that I love, like absolutely in love with my background music. I've just discovered this song and I want it to be played on my funeral. Gurrrl I've said it ahah. It's been seven weeks I'm here guys, time surely flies like an airplane. Damn.

From the title, it's obvious that this post ain't gon' be a positive rising sun butterfly flies in the garden kinda post. Your girl here is 'bout to rant her throat out. Nah, just kidding. I'm just spitting my thoughts because I don't know who to say these to and I figured this place is okay for me to express my feelings since no one that I know personally is reading this. 

If you've read my last post, I did say that I didn't have any close friends or something like that (i forgot already what i wrote aiya). Well truth be told, I'm still struggling to make friends here. I just watched my coursemates Snapchat stories and they were all having fun with their cliques and I'm just freaking rotting in my room. No lie though, my heart broke because this one girl that I'm quite close with didn't invite me. Ouch.

It also sucks when you still don't have a license because you can't drive anywhere you want to escape your boring life. If I wanna go out I have to book a taxi since no one's gonna invite me when they're having fun. Not to mention, they don't use a motherfreaking taxi meter or whatever they called it, here.So the price is so damn high la. Cekik darah.

It's truly making me depressed just thinking about it. I don't know how to say this. Am I really that bad that I can't have anyone that I can truly vibe with? Am I really not approachable or am I annoying? If someone could tell me I'd be so thankful because I don't know what I did wrong. My main goal when I entered a uni life was to start fresh, make new friends and be who I am. But hell no. I'm stuck with the people that I hate and I don't know how to escape it.

When I told them about me being stuck with my shy and quiet friend that I truly dislike, they always say this to me, "Ala, tak pe. Nanti lama-lama rapat lah tu." Stop, I hate that words. You're not making me feel any better. I know I'm such an asshole for saying this but I really don't want to get any closer with her. This is frustrating because I don't know how to explain why. My heart is truly racing right now because I'm so upset and mad. Honestly, I really can't stand people that are too nice. If you really know me, you'll know that I'm kind of a bad-mouthed person, loud and very gila-gila lah.

I'd be so thrilled and happy if someone, anyone even invites me to go makan or whatever instead of me inviting them. I feel like a dumbass here. 

All I want is to have friends who understand me and really can vibe with me. Friends that know how to have fun and are smartasses at the same time. I know this is so high standard but trust me the students here are geniuses. I feel confined. Oh god this is frustrating. I don't know how to put this into words. If you're reading this, I apologize for wasting your time. I'm sorry that my posts lately are so negative. Nevertheless, thanks for reading.

April 9, 2016

Saturday's Thought

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Guten morgen earthlings. This is my third week in UTP. It still feels surreal. Even to this day, I still have to pinch myself to prove that I'm not dreaming. There are some good and bad things about my experience here so far. 

I love that this place has a lot of hot guys. Unfortunately, most of them aren't from my class. I don't know what's wrong with my luck, I always get the not-so-cute guys in my class, it frustrates me so much. Other than that, I'm glad that I got a beautiful place to continue my study. You don't know how grateful I am to be able to stand here. I know this isn't the best university in the country but I'm still happy because I've always wanted to be here.

Remember when I got so frustrated and depressed about my SPM result? I honestly thought that was it, I could never achieve what I want anymore. But Allah has showed his mercy upon me and granted me this place that I've been dying to go. So yeah, alhamdulillah.

However, it is hard for me to find friends who I like here. I mean, I want to vibe with people that has the same taste and happy-go-lucky like me. I'm stuck with my quiet and shy roommate and I can't be who I am with her and I feel so freaking frustrated because I feel like she doesn't give me a chance to go out and socialize with others. She's super clingy and I feel trapped. I can't vibe with her at all. I don't know what to do to distant myself from her. Now I sound like an asshole. Please send help. 

Most of the students who I can vibe with already have their own cliques meanwhile I'm still with my roommate. Oh lord, I'm so frustrated. Now is the third week and they have already bonded and it's hard for me to make friends with them because now I feel like an intruder. If only I've done something for the past two weeks, sigh.

To summarize things up, I'm mostly depressed with the fact that I can't have any close friends here. Other than that, I like everything here. I have my test 1 next week so pray for my well-being. I think that's all I wanted to share right now. If I write things too long, people won't read it. I'm so bored right now and I want to go out since I don't have any class today but I have no friends to go out with lol. My life is sad. Have a good day people!

*I have a terrible breakouts on my forehead and left cheek I feel like killing somone!