May 8, 2016

Let's Rant

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Wow it's been a month and I don't know if any of you still remember this blog. I've been having a writer block so yeah. Anyways, can I just say that I love, like absolutely in love with my background music. I've just discovered this song and I want it to be played on my funeral. Gurrrl I've said it ahah. It's been seven weeks I'm here guys, time surely flies like an airplane. Damn.

From the title, it's obvious that this post ain't gon' be a positive rising sun butterfly flies in the garden kinda post. Your girl here is 'bout to rant her throat out. Nah, just kidding. I'm just spitting my thoughts because I don't know who to say these to and I figured this place is okay for me to express my feelings since no one that I know personally is reading this. 

If you've read my last post, I did say that I didn't have any close friends or something like that (i forgot already what i wrote aiya). Well truth be told, I'm still struggling to make friends here. I just watched my coursemates Snapchat stories and they were all having fun with their cliques and I'm just freaking rotting in my room. No lie though, my heart broke because this one girl that I'm quite close with didn't invite me. Ouch.

It also sucks when you still don't have a license because you can't drive anywhere you want to escape your boring life. If I wanna go out I have to book a taxi since no one's gonna invite me when they're having fun. Not to mention, they don't use a motherfreaking taxi meter or whatever they called it, here.So the price is so damn high la. Cekik darah.

It's truly making me depressed just thinking about it. I don't know how to say this. Am I really that bad that I can't have anyone that I can truly vibe with? Am I really not approachable or am I annoying? If someone could tell me I'd be so thankful because I don't know what I did wrong. My main goal when I entered a uni life was to start fresh, make new friends and be who I am. But hell no. I'm stuck with the people that I hate and I don't know how to escape it.

When I told them about me being stuck with my shy and quiet friend that I truly dislike, they always say this to me, "Ala, tak pe. Nanti lama-lama rapat lah tu." Stop, I hate that words. You're not making me feel any better. I know I'm such an asshole for saying this but I really don't want to get any closer with her. This is frustrating because I don't know how to explain why. My heart is truly racing right now because I'm so upset and mad. Honestly, I really can't stand people that are too nice. If you really know me, you'll know that I'm kind of a bad-mouthed person, loud and very gila-gila lah.

I'd be so thrilled and happy if someone, anyone even invites me to go makan or whatever instead of me inviting them. I feel like a dumbass here. 

All I want is to have friends who understand me and really can vibe with me. Friends that know how to have fun and are smartasses at the same time. I know this is so high standard but trust me the students here are geniuses. I feel confined. Oh god this is frustrating. I don't know how to put this into words. If you're reading this, I apologize for wasting your time. I'm sorry that my posts lately are so negative. Nevertheless, thanks for reading.